Just a warning. A lot of the sentences in this post will end with a question mark. Because I just don’t know.
I had the weirdest dream last night. I dreamt I was at the doctor’s office where the doctor told me I was pregnant. I was completely shocked and asked him if he was 100% positive, which he assured me, he was. And even though I was only weeks along, he already knew that it was girl. A girl.
Then all of a sudden I was at home, telling Huz that we were pregnant again. I remember thinking that there would be a huge age gap between Aidon and the new baby. And I immediately started thinking about the trips to Costco to buy diapers and baby wipes and onsies and all the crap that comes with a new baby.
And then as soon as it began, it was over.
But here’s the thing that scares me the most. When I woke up from the dream and realized I wasn’t pregnant…I was sad.
As the morning went on, I thought less and less about the dream. Except, I did make the mistake of telling my co-workers, who are all but a baby shower now.
I told Huz about my dream during dinner and his immediate reaction was, thank the good Lord it was only a dream. Then I told him about my feelings when I woke up and he thought about it a little more. Still ended at the same thought though: thank the good Lord it was only a dream.
But then a few hours later we went grocery shopping and on the way home we were sitting at a stop light. No music was playing, the car was silent. And out of left field he asked, “Would you really want to start over?” And I’m like, I don’t know?
Okay, 2 things. He brought it up on his own. And I used to be so sure I didn’t want to start over. But now…I still don’t think I do. But maybe I do? I don’t know?
Before my crazy dream, on a scale of 1 to 10, I was at a 1 on wanting another baby. But now…I think I’m at a 4. A high 4. Maybe 5? No, definitely a 4.
Not that I’m Googling “how to take out your own IUD” tonight or anything.
What do you all think about having another baby after you’ve had all your babies? Can my body even handle that? What’s too big of an age gap? Does an age gap even matter? Should I just get a puppy?
If I just eat a cookie, will all these feelings go away?
***Editor’s Note – I tried to find Clipart of a family of 6 but there were none available because ONLY CRAZY PEOPLE HAVE 3 BOYS AND CONSIDER HAVING 1 MORE.